The end is approaching, and it can’t come soon enough. It looks like I will likely be induced between 37-38 weeks because of obstetric cholestasis which means that “little miss” could be arriving as early as next Friday (YIKES). Looking back on the last 8-9 months, I should be able to say I’ve grown a little person, and that should be a hell of accomplishment…..unfortunately, right now, all I can think of is that it has been 35 weeks and four days of nothing but whining and nagging and nagging and whining. I hope that within a few months of post-pregnancy hormones calming down I’ll return to my pre-two-pregnancies happy go lucky, adventurous self.
Here are my top ten most whined about subjects over the past 36 weeks (Rob, I’m surprised you’ve stuck around):
10. Blog – What Blog? These entries have been terribly few and far between. I kept thinking I’d have more energy, some creative spark, I’d get this blog going again, have something entertaining to write about….now perhaps?
9. I should be…36 weeks of guilt. I should be eating better. I should be exercising more. I shouldn’t be so tired. I should make better meals. I should go for a ski. I should be studying more. I should gain less weight. I should stay up later. I shouldn’t eat so much chocolate….and the list goes on and on and on and on.
8. My feet are itchy. I don’t mean that I am anxious to have the baby. I mean that it feels like I decided to run barefoot through a field of poison ivy. This is, what obstetric cholestasis feels like. I am one of an unlucky few who develop this strange condition where likely due to pregnancy hormones your body looses its ability to properly process bile salts and they build up in your blood stream making you insanely itchy. Imagine itching coming from your veins and there is no amount of scratching, calamine lotion or ice baths which can help. If this isn’t an excuse to whine, I don’t know what is.
7. I don’t have any time to myself. This is something I’ve really struggled with during the past few months. I come home from work, do my abysmal job of dinner and tidying, get the cloth diapers in the washer, tidy up, get Max to bed, and just when I think I might have 2 minutes to do something for me – Read a book. Study some Hindi. Watch a little T.V. Organize a drawer. Clean the bathroom. Paint my toenails which I haven’t seen for months. I collapse into bed. Day over.
6. I am going to throw up. This has been a pukey pregnancy. One off-putting smell, and I’m running for the toilet. Luckily, this subsided after the first few months. Again, completely justifiable whining if you ask me, and a great excuse to have Rob look after months of dirty diapers. More recently it has been the wonderful world of severe indigestion. Eew.
5. The house is a mess. This seems to be a constant battle, and a constant source of my whining. The second the place is tidy, Max decides dump his toys, play with my makeup, make dinner etc., If Rob dares leave a cup out in the evening, or a shoe out of place, it is hell to pay, and I won’t forgive him for days.
4. You don’t do anything and it is all your fault. On this point, poor Rob has put up with his share of abuse. Really. Logical me acknowledges that he does a tremendous amount. Illogical, pregnant me, uses him as a scape goat, and blames him for everything and anything that could and does go wrong (which seems to be a lot lately). The car gets stuck in the driveway twice. Completely Rob’s fault for not cleaning the mirrors before backing up. The furnace breaks on the coldest night of the year. He shouldn’t have been pushing buttons. Max has green pooh – Rob must have missed him eating green crayons etc. etc. etc.
3. I’m Fat. Some pregnant ladies looks splendid. Lean and toned with nothing but glowing cheeks and a perfect belly. I look a bit like a beached whale who swallowed too much salt water. In the midst of all of this, try to find a bridesmaid dress when you have no idea what size you might end up, or try going to work looking decent when you are too cheap to buy crappy maternity clothes that are overpriced and that you’ll never wear again. Part of this comes from my lack of activity, and it is likely more mental than physical. I feel like I look good when I exercise no matter what the scale says. If I don’t, bring on the beached whale look.
2. I Can’t Sleep This is so high on the list mostly due to the last week. I toss and turn for hours. I can’t get comfortable, and just when I’ve drifted off and in the midst of some bizarre pregnancy dream, Max decides it is time to get up and either crawl into our bed and start kicking us and pulling my hair, or, just yelling truck at the top of his lungs and pointing anxiously at his toy planes (he is a little confused sometimes). Oh yes. And the itchy feet #8 are so much worse at night (who came up with this??) which just adds to the sleeplessness.
1. I’m Tired. Oh the irony of pregnancy, and the topic that makes all of the above so much worse. I’m tired. I’ve been tired for 36 weeks. I was tired in the first trimester, I was tired in the second trimester, and now that the end is coming near, “I’m more tired than I’ve ever been in my life”. I’m used to running marathons, or skiing 53 km 6 months post pregnancy. Trust me, these days, picking up Max or doing the dishes seems to be an equally challenging feat. Oh yah, and if I thought for a moment the tiredness was over, I need to remember that the last time I checked, newborns are not known for their ability to sleep through the night.
Some of you might commiserate…a lucky few might have no idea what I’m talking about. This post though, will serve as a reminder (to me) of how whiny I am actually capable of being, and to everyone who have suffered my whiny/bitchy grasp. I owe you. Big time. Let’s hope that the real Nicole is buried somewhere behind the itchy skin, bulging belly, and nagging voice.
Enough whining for one night. I am off to bed.